Karkat x Reader: High School Hijinks

Karkat x Reader: High School Hijinks

You feel an incredible longing to be in his arms. To have him love you the way you’ve always loved him. You have the passion of a thousand copies of Fifty Shades of Gray for him. Except slightly less gross and abusive. Unfortunately, Karkat Vantas, the one you so dearly want to be with, does not freaking exist. So, instead you read this fan fiction, where hopefully you can live out your weird alien fantasies in your brain.  

You realize that the actual fan fiction does not start until the next paragraph, and that I’ve basically just been mocking you. You consider skipping the beginning to get to the actual “story.” But then you realize that there is nothing to skip, because the beginning is over.

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You wake up in your bed to your alarm, which is not a series of beeps, but a Backstreet Boys song from your MP3 player. You have set up your MP3 player to play a random song when it’s time to wake up for school. What’s that? Nobody listens to the Backstreet Boys anymore, you say? Well, to heck with that; you are in my reader insert fan fiction now, so you are who I say you are! You do what I say you do! You will be in love with Karkat Vantas. I don’t give a crap if you like Eridan Ampora better!

Actually, that was a bad example. Nobody likes Eridan Ampora.

Anyway, You get the point. You have the Backstreet Boys on your iPod (to heck with copyright issues; I’m calling it an iPod now), which you turn off groggily. You get out of bed at the speed of molasses and get on your clothes. You put on (hmm, what do normal teenage girls wear? Oh, yes!) A Justin Bieber t-shirt, because for some reason, he’s still a thing. Along with it, skinny jeans that are so skinny they hurt your legs.

You were about to put on your 3-inch heels, but you remembered something. You’re not normal; you’re in love with a fictional alien! You take off the clothes that you probably stole from the sibling that I say you have. Instead, you put on a shirt with Karkat’s face on it, even though he goes to your school and this is incredibly creepy. You also put on jeans that actually allow blood flow and a pair of flip flops. You do various other boring things like brush your teeth, brush your hair, grab your backpack, and head to school. No, you didn’t eat breakfast. You don’t have time for that tomfoolery. You must get to the romance-with-Karkat parts as soon as physically possible.

As soon as you got to school, you saw the generic and stereotypical group of bullies heading in your direction. You tried to run away but generic bully Brittany tapped your shoulder. There was no escape. You had to turn around.

“Hi, loser! Where are your good looks? Oh, you must have lost them because you’re a LO-SER.” all of the generic bullies laughed at this joke, despite how it is not funny at all and no human being (or troll) with any sanity would say that. Then, generic bully Veronica punched you in the face.


Wait, you might say at this point. Girls don’t punch other girls like that without motivation! They just make you feel bad about yourself and wish they’d just beat you up. If this is what you’re saying, you must be new. Hi, welcome to High School Fan Fiction land, where YOU MUST FEEL ALL OF THE SYMPATHY FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER. ALL OF IT. I do not care if in this case, you are the main character. You will feel bad for yourself. Besides, this makes it easier to make Karkat an obvious love interest immediately. Oh there he is, in the next line.

“LEAVE HER ALONE!”

The group of generic bullies turned at the sound of the voice. Yes, it was Karkat Vantas, who is probably the love of your life if you are even reading this. Let’s just say that yes, Karkat is indeed the love of your life. He walked past the bullies, grabbed your hand, and pulled you the heck out of there. You did not think about how out of character this is, but instead, wow, he’s so cute. You do not like Karkat because he is nice and charming, because he’s not. You like him because he’s cute. That is, after all, the most important thing in finding the troll of your dreams.

The bullies did nothing. Probably because Karkat shouts everything he says and is therefore absolutely terrifying to most. Once you both reached your first period class, you took a breath. You two actually have five out of seven classes together. This incredibly coincidental turn of events has made it very easy for your love for him to blossom. Karkat says nothing about your shirt. Which is probably for the best.

“Wow, thanks, Karkat!” You said.

“SHUT UP, LISA,” Karkat screamed.

“Oh, I just decided to take the name off of my birth certificate. You can call me __________ now.”

You have officially changed your name numerous times. You can just never decide on a name you like. So in the end, you decided to just settle with a line.

“OH, OKAY, __________,” Karkat shouted.  

School is boring, so let’s skip to where Karkat walks you home. You think that it’s about time. Time to tell him. Tell him that you love him. That you love him and I should. I should stop talking. Stop Talking like this.

Okay, that’s enough of that. You felt your heart beating faster and all of those other feelings that you feel when you are about to tell someone you like them. You twiddles your thumbs, played with your hair, blushed and walked more awkwardly. This made it incredibly and hilariously obvious that something was on your mind.

“SOMETHING IS ON YOUR MIND.” Karkat said.

You looked down. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

Karkat stared at you for a moment and finally said, “I DID NOT ASK WHAT WAS ON YOUR MIND. I JUST MADE AN OBSERVATION.”

“Oh,” you said.

You continued walking. And walking. And walking. You knew you had to say something. If you didn’t, this wouldn’t be much of a fan fiction, would it?

“I love you!” You blurt out out of nowhere.

Karkat looked at you with those beautiful alien eyes. You ignored the still-hateful glint in them. “OH YEAH. I KNOW.” he said.

What did that mean? You were at a loss for words. Some invisible force had ripped out your voice box and eaten it. However, moments later, the invisible force puked up your voice box and thrust it back down your throat, so you said, “You knew?”

Karkat sighed. “EVERYONE KNEW. YOU’RE WEARING A T-SHIRT WITH MY FACE ON IT! DID YOU THINK I WOULDN’T CATCH ON!? DUDE, YOU BASICALLY MIGHT AS WELL GOTTEN A BIG NEON LIGHT THAT SAYS “__________ LOVES KARKAT” AND PUT IT IN FRONT OF THE SCHOOL, ACTING LIKE YOU COULDN’T SEE IT! YOU JUST... LET OUT THIS BIG LOVE FART AND BLAMED IT ON THE GUY NEXT TO YOU!”

“So, do you want to be my matesprit?” You asked hopefully. This was it. The big reveal, even though it’s pretty obvious he’s gonna say yes. Still, for the sake of fan fiction, you sat in suspense for a three-second-long eternity. Your heart was pumping so hard it hurt. You looked at Karkat like a dog who had figured out that their owner wasn’t actually throwing the tennis ball, and wasn’t sure if they were going to throw it this time, but you were still convinced that they were.

...

...

...

...

Pausing for dramatic effect...


...

...


“NO, I DON’T!” He finally shouted.  

Whoa. Plot twist.

“What? Why?” You asked, heartbroken. Your fantasies crushed, your hopes burnt to the ground.

“IT WOULDN’T WORK OUT ANYWAY.  I AM ONLY A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION.”

“Wait...” you thought for a moment before saying, “No you’re not! Everyone knows you exist!”

“NO, I’M JUST EVERYONE ELSE’S FIGMENTS TOO.”

“Doesn’t that make you real?”

“NO!”

And with that, he began to fade from sight.

“No! Why are you leaving now?” You cried out.

“BECAUSE I’M SICK OF BEING HERE. I’M GOING BACK TO FICTIONLAND, WHERE I EXIST IN A WORLD THAT DOESN’T EXIST...IT’S COMPLICATED.”

And with that, he was gone. You fell to your knee, crying.

BUT WAIT! WHO’S THAT IN THE DISTANCE!?

Why, It was Gamzee Makara! You got up, and skipped happily down the street towards him. It was love at first sight, blooming again. Like a phoenix, love had risen from the ashes, brighter and more beautiful than ever before and oh no Gamzee’s sober.

You were killed.

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You stare at the screen in disgust. You didn’t end up with Karkat! What a complete waste of time! Oh well, you think as you go off, probably to find a fan fiction you can properly be with Karkat in. Or go down and comment with how horrible of a person I am. Or do nothing, but just be really, really disappointed. Or maybe you found this to be an entertaining read!

Nah, that’s just wishful thinking.